Facing the mirror: Shackles & Pressure

Part 1

I think its easy to convince ourselves of things that aren't true, but whats most important is that you know the truth inside of you. To do what you think is right, don't make excuses for things that are against what you believe in, or allowing others to effect you in a bad manner. Sometimes listening to your soul is terrifying, but it liberates you. When you are being true to yourself, you deeply value and desire your feelings, communicating wholeheartedly with yourself. benefits of self-reflection, you can change how you act, or see yourself, how you feel about certain situations, and how you will act accordingly. You get a better understanding of yourself, become more aware of your surroundings. You can communicate better, become more tolerant to the diversity of situations. It can help you in your personal relationships as well as your career, and ultimately it just makes you happier, calmer. Thinking back on the situations, what went wrong, i was not honest with Mr. Portofino about my situation, i had let people get in my head take away trust and build doubts, i did not listen and follow like i should have, instead i caused more problems, which lead to fits, outbursts and disrespect. I talked outside of the House, instead of reflecting and talking to Mr. Portofino after i gathered my thoughts. What could have been done differently, i could have been honest with Her, no matter the outcome, i do believe She would have been apart of my life regardless. I could have stopped people from talking, not even initiated the convo, or even perceived it as something i was interested in. Therefore there would have been no doubts or fears, no trust issues. i could have listened more, but i had all these doubts in my head, its like i forgot who i was, i forgot my submission, because i was worried about other people and things, i forgot my purpose which cause me to not follow Her, the outbursts to happen, my fit throwing and disrespectful tongue to flow recklessly. If i would have just stopped, sat back and thought it out, reflected and went to Mr. Portofino, She would have redirected me, helped me, calmed my thoughts, not so much as reassure me, but let me know what i am to do, who i belong to and why its important to keep House business in the House at all times. how dangerous it is to allow people to befriend you, who only want to use you or hurt you, She would have helped me a great deal had i only focused and done better. Part 2 being under pressure i usually feel sick, can't sleep, i have real bad anxiety so its like i can't breathe, i start to get angry and sometimes i take it out on people who are closest to me, and not realizing it, till its to late. I have experienced the negative emotions of anger, confusion, frustration, feeling ignored, suspicion, being destructive, disappointment, embarrassment and guilt The positive emotions i have felt are joy, empathy, desire, euphoria, hope, love, pride, pleasure, gratitude, affection, laughter, inspiration, Security, peace, fulfillment, passion, Confidence and trust. Failing a Dominant, how does a submissive fail, when she is feeling as though she has not given herself completely, when she feels reckless, and lashes out, she regrets it, the guilt kicks in and it becomes a big failure to her. When you see that your Dom is becoming impatient with you and your lack of submissive behavior, when she sits and questions her submission, because she just does not feel like she fills the needs and wants of her Dom anymore. When they feel as if they mess up time and time again. i cannot speak on anyone else's experiences with this, but i know myself and i know it pains me when i fail my Dom, when i hear the disappointment in Her voice, it tears me down, because i know i could have done better, i can do better all you wanna do is make it up to Them, to be the good girl once again, to wash away these thoughts. I guess this is why self-reflection is good, to encourage yourself, to say sometimes mistakes will happen, failure will occur its apart of life, its a learning process and it leaves room for growth if you allow yourself that.